Love to the Third Power

“My grown child is in an abusive relationship and I don’t know what to do to fix it.”

“If only I did not have all these problems to deal with in my life, my anxieties would be manageable.”

“My son was shot and killed; we have to outlaw guns.”  

“Why does my spouse drink so much?”

“If things would finally go my way, I would not be so depressed and would not have to drink so much.”

“I work hard but I continue to be overlooked for a promotion.  What can I do to make my boss aware of this mistake?”

“Consumers are being taken advantage of every day by the unscrupulous people they hire to do work for them. We need to have a new regulation to protect them.”

These are common views and thoughts of many people all around the world.  Who knows, you might have said or felt these exact sentiments in your own life at one time or another.  Some people can get past these obstacles, moving on to great happiness and success, while others turn these hardships into a permanent way of life or worse, the reason for their ultimate demise.  What is it that makes the difference between flourishing out of despair and allowing the despair to control you very existence?

First let’s consider the views above.  What is the common denominator in all of those statements? 

If you said, that in each of those cases, bad behaviors, poor choices or habitual decisions were made you would be on the right track.  Look at them again and consider, who the person making the statement, views as the one in need of change?  Correct, in each of those statements the person feeling the anxiety, depression, or the injustice does not view themself as the one with the problem needing correcting; it is always someone or something else at fault for the pain that they or their loved ones are suffering.  In cases where a loved one is involved; it is not even that person who bears the responsibility.  In their mind; a non involved third party should be the blame or in some cases, our government should be responsible to fix it.  This is at the heart of the problem of selfishness. The problem makes me suffer but someone else is the blame and someone else should solve it so I don’t have to change.   

I have written in one of my books, “Selfishness causes blindness to the truth; it is only the brightness of Love to the Third Power that can remove the darkness of deception, bringing clarity of sight.  For in order to relieve our problems we must first make a wise and true decision based on a compiled list of the best choice options of which to select.  However, this successful choice process first requires that we know, experience, and believe the truth.”  

Love to the Third Power is the only true and selfless love.  Love found in the bodies, minds and souls of those who demonstrate a caring attitude through thoughts, words, and deeds for those who share a strong unwavering emotional bond with you; a bond consistent with the relationship shared by the three parties affected by every decision.  On a family level it would be your family members, the people of the community in which you live, and your spiritual family who share and teach your moral values.  On a business level it would be the businesses’ associates, the consumers and people impacted indirectly by the company’s product or service.  When all three are considered and satisfied before a decision is made, wisdom will prevail. 

If it is true that all of the people above share the same selfish views yet some of them are still able to rise above these hardships, what is the differentiator that makes that possible?  It is something that I call, Personal Growth toward Wisdom. 

Personal growth toward wisdom is simply a shift in attitude.  In order to succeed and overcome any hardship a person must first take ownership of their problems and solutions they choose. When your attitude shifts to others, personal growth and your wise decisions can begin to address the true problems causing the other issues needing to be changed.  It is true, that not all problems can be solved to our satisfaction but we have to face the truth that all man-made problems can be solved by man, even if the solution is not one that brings us the pleasure we desire or immediately relieves the pains of past bad choices.

To illustrate these realities, recently I was on a panel discussing the importance of freedom of choice.  A fellow panelist, a psycho-therapist, made a comment that I found extremely interesting and culturally revealing.  He exclaimed to the audience, “Rational people cannot make bad decisions.” 

This was immediately countered by a vocal audience member who shouted, “I do not agree with that statement.”  The physiologist asked him, “Please explain why you feel that way.” 

After being brought a microphone, “I decided to marry the wrong person; a crazy person who for many years caused tremendous pain and struggles to me and our family.  We finally decided to divorce.  It was the wrong decision to choose her to marry.” 

The therapist asked him, “What made it a mistake?”

Taking his time before answering, “I did not know at the time of our wedding that she was an alcoholic.  After the fact, she would never seek help and the problem only got worse as time went by.”

“So, what you are saying is that given the information you had at the time of the wedding you thought she was the right person?” 

“Yes but if I had known she was an alcoholic I would probably not have married her.” 

The therapist said with a smile, “You see, you didn’t make a bad decision.  Any rational person would have likely made the same decision given the information you had at the time. You are being overly hard on yourself.”

After hearing this, I could not stay quiet any longer.  “Excuse me, may I ask a few questions?”  Standing I asked the audience member, “Without getting too personal, how long did you date before your wedding date?”

“Three months.” 

“During those three months, did you ever witness her drinking to excess?”

“Oh sure, we attended a couple of pretty wild parties while we were dating.” 

“You didn’t have a problem with her abuse of alcohol while you were dating?  Why?”

“Well, to be honest, we were both drinking heavy while we were partying.  It was only later that I found out that she was drinking heavily almost every day, even while at work.” 

Turning to the therapist, I asked, “Do you consider yourself a good representation of a “rational person”? 

He loudly proclaimed, “Yes I do.”

“Would you have married someone after only dating three months?”

He admitted softly, “No.”

“Me either and given the other information this gentleman shared, if I were in his shoes, I too would admit to making a mistake for choosing her as my wife.  The true fact is, only after having experienced deep pain through the relationship, does he believe he did not have enough information to make the right choice.  If he would have spent a little more time getting to know this woman before making a lifelong commitment, he would have started to question his judgment sooner than later.”

The therapist silently nodded his head in acknowledgement.  

Turning back to the audience member, I asked, “One more question, did you learn from your mistake?” 

“I did but way too late!” As I turned to return to my seat the gentlemen shouted, “And I should have listened to my parents and some of my friends…they tried to warn me but I was too young and foolish to listen to them.”

I turned, walked down the aisle, stepped up to him, I shook his hand in thanks of his honesty and courage to share this personal hardship with everyone. 

We all make mistakes but some, if not most, can be avoided; many of the others can be righted.  First by using the lessons found in the Wisdom Formula and the Principles of Solomon; second by trusting the wisdom of those who reside in one of the three entities affected by your decision.  Those people will usually love and care about you to the level of Love to the Third Power. 

For those occasions when we do make a mistake, first realize it was probably a selfish act that caused the problem and begin the process of repair by selflessly considering others affected by your actions.  In addition to the great results that will follow as a result of the repair; you will also start to become a much better person by the lessons that you learned through the experience

If this is my last post, I want all to know there was only one purpose for all that I have written; to have made a positive difference in the lives of others.

Anthony “Tony” Boquet, Vice President, Business Development at The American College of Financial Services and the author of “The Bloodline of Wisdom, The Awakening of a Modern Solutionary”

A Story Meant to Changed the World

 A little over two thousand years ago a story packed with examples of the Power of the Wisdom on Three was told as an answer to a simple four word question; “Who is my neighbor?”  This question was posed as a clarifying point to a spiritual law; one of the natural laws of civilized societies.  In Christian circles the law is called the First Commandment.  To philosophers and solutionaries it is called the Trinity of Selfless Love.  Simply stated, in order to live a peace filled existence one must love their God with their whole mind, body and soul; and love their neighbor as their self.

The story that was told in reply to that question is solely responsible for countless societal changes throughout the centuries. Today, if we were to see someone lying, hurt in the street, our first action would be to call 911.  That one action would put into motion a flood of goodwill that did not exist at the time of the original narrative. First responders, hospitals, insurance, orphanages, soup kitchens, homeless shelter and many other services were all a direct creation of the premise taught in that short tale.  We should each care for those who are in need of physical help but the story uncovers many deeper societal injuries as well.

The audience were the residents of a wealthy and prominent city of the time.  The setting was one of the entry ways into the city; a well traveled, yet prone to violence, thoroughfare.  One of the main characters of the story was a man who was robbed, brutally attacked and left for dead on the roadway.  The first two people who happened to pass the crime scene did nothing to help the man, thinking he was already dead.  These two people were described as holy people and due to the religious customs of the times, they were not to touch dead bodies at the risk of becoming “unclean”.  In other words, to the listeners, the two bystanders would have been justified, doing nothing wrong by just walking around the man laying in the street.  The third character was identified as a Samaritan, an outsider, a person from a neighboring town inhabited by people who were looked down upon because of their differing beliefs.  Of all people, it was the Samaritan who stopped and found the man to be alive. He cared for his wounds the best he could, physically carried him to an Inn, stayed with him over night, arranged and paid for the follow up care for this total stranger while making sure that any further bills would be paid if more were outstanding.  Then to end the story, this accomplished storyteller, wanting the audience to think, ended the parable with another question; “Who was neighbor to the beaten man?”

We each are called to love one another.  Not only when people agree with our beliefs.  Not only when they follow the letter of the “law”. That is what makes this story eternally relevant.  We can see ourselves in each character.  No more superior than any and possibly equally as guilty of ignoring the law of love. 

Would our world be a much better place if we all strove to be a good Samaritan to every neighbor we encounter?        

Anthony “Tony” Boquet, the author of “The Bloodline of Wisdom, The Awakening of a Modern Solutionary” If this is my last post, I want all to know there was only one purpose for all that I have written; to have made a positive difference in the lives of others.

True Love, Selfish Love; What is the Difference?

Wiser words were never spoken.  All love is not created equal and identifying the difference between true selfless love and selfish love is not always easy to determine at first blush.

Many young lovers are faced with this dilemma and they are not prepared to handle this complex problem.  Without the benefit of life’s experiences to rely on one person could be experiencing true love while being preyed upon by someone consumed by selfish love. They will both experience the stirrings of love in the form of emotions like happiness, excitement and pleasure which will entices more intimate relations to build.  Through the reciprocal nature of love, both partners will display outward signs such as tenderness, warmth, and endearment even if the end game desired is poles apart.  To complicate matters further, with all forms of love, these feelings will be returned to the one who initially offers them up regardless of the motives.  Due to our body’s hormone system, the way that we process any emotion naturally pushes the facts into the recesses of our mind so that they are rarely considered.  The ultimate goal for both people can be vastly different while emotionally identical; a breeding ground for confusion.  This leads to poor decision being made and negative outcomes that can last a life time. Continue reading “True Love, Selfish Love; What is the Difference?”

Our Three Final Wise Decisions

“There are only three certainties in life; breathing, taxes, and death.”

Anthony “Tony” Boquet

It was Ben Franklin who coined the phrase, “There are but two certainties in life; death and taxes.”   Now realize that this statement was made as a jab of the ever growing need to fund the government machine but he was absolutely right in the fact that taxes will last as long as we live and death is a certain end to our life.  However, in an effort to satisfy my craving for accuracy, I purpose a third certainty; the only sustaining involuntary function that maintains life; breathing.  We know that Ben was a fan of debates and was also a very intelligent man.  I think that if he and I could have reflected together on this comment, he would have agreed that I was correct in my addition.  Man only needs three things for human life; Air, Water and Food.  Of the three it is only air that is consumed involuntarily; thus there can be no life without the act of breathing.

Continue reading “Our Three Final Wise Decisions”

The Legend of Valentine’s Day

“Holy marriage is worth dying for!”

Saint Valentine

red-love-heart-valentines-day-concept-Every February 14th, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint and why do we celebrate this holiday?

Here are 2 different legends … Enjoy!

The first legend, and perhaps the best known, began in Rome, when the Emperor, Claudius II, was involved in many bloody and unpopular campaigns. “Claudius the Cruel” as he was called, was having a difficult time getting soldiers to join his military leagues. He believed that the reason was that Roman men did not want to leave their loves or families. So, he cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome! Continue reading “The Legend of Valentine’s Day”