Solutions Are Never Free

32381172 – problem – idea – solution

Do you ever wonder why you do what you do? 

In your line of work, is there an underlining reason for everything that you do?

Are you passionate about this reason?  

Sure, we all work to provide a product or service that solves a problem for others that they can’t solve on their own.  For a price, businesses will sell you this product or that service to alleviate your problem but accessing some of these products or services requires more than just money.  It might require good health, good character and / or a certain credit rating.  In essence, to be able to solve some problems, you have to be doing the right things before the problem occurs and plan in advance for a future problem.  For some people, this adds another problem to their list of problems that they have to deal with.  Solving some of life’s problems for many can feel overwhelming.  At those times, they need a Solutionary to come to their aid.

A Solutionary, is my term for an ethical “problem-solving” expert with a selfless heart.  They must be viewed as a trustworthy individual so that you are comfortable in their detective work when it comes to knowing all the relevant facts in personal areas of your life, as it pertains to the problem you want them to solve.    

As an example, for the men and women who make their living solving insurance related problems, because they are passionate about what they do, the dichotomy described above can bring a high level of frustration.  In most cases, it is easy to solve a person’s problem when they have the money needed to purchase the solution and they are willing to act now.  It becomes extremely difficult to solve that same problem when there is no money or they are allocating the money to less important things, they are already in poor health or financially ill and on top of that, they believe they are in no hurry.

Believe me when I say, “Money is very rarely the true deterrent when purchasing insurance as a solution to a problem.”  It is likely, a budgeting issue where needed resources are currently being used in less important ways.  It is the Solutionary’s responsibility to bring this to the attention of the client, regardless of the level of discomfort this might entail.  It is the client’s responsibility for their loved ones that should drive the necessary actions to fix the budget as needed.

When the client’s health is already poor or their past actions has injured their character and or their financial health there will be limited recourse available to the Solutionary.  That is why we must all be vigilant in helping one another other to be the best version of our self.  We should each strive to help one another by not being quiet about the ills we see around us.  As a caring society, when we see someone hurting themselves, we must step forward to make them aware that there is a better way.  Yes, they might not listen to one stranger but if the message is carried by many whom they respect, it will eventually be received.   

The most frustrating objection is when the client believes they are in no hurry to act.  This is elevated in the Solutionary’s heart because of the experiences they lived through from those other clients who came to the same realization too late.  Those people whose health was already bad; the man whose debt was out of control, the woman who over indulges with alcohol or medications or the person who smoked cigarettes for twenty years without a problem then was just diagnosed with lung cancer.  These are real people who come to Solutionaries too late but need insurance that all the money in the world cannot buy.

“Live everyday like it really matters, because it truly does.”         

Anthony “Tony” Boquet, the author of “The Bloodline of Wisdom, The Awakening of a Modern Solutionary”

If this is my last post, I want all to know there was only one purpose for all that I have written; to have made a positive difference in the lives of others.

Hearing, a Given Sense; Listening, a Powerful Tool

Said, Heard, Listen

I enjoy using your sense of sight as a means to share these articles with you.  It will be your sense of sight that will allow me the ability to share some interesting facts about the art of listening without even using your sense of hearing. 

As with most of our Solutionary tools, we are given the solution for our need to hear from the Power of the Wisdom of Three.  I’m sure my anatomy nerds will already know that our ear, the tool for hearing, has only three bones that aid in the operation of human hearing; the malleus, incus, and stapes bones. They are positioned in a precise manner so that they detect sound waves that our brain then processes.  Our physical sense of hearing is totally involuntary, can even be accidental and totally effortless on our part.

Listening, on the other hand, is much more deliberate, requiring, of course, three things; first, we must choose to do it, the act must be focused and will always be intentional.  Yes, your spouse is correct, when they tell you, that you are choosing not to listen.  When we listen, I mean really listen, our brain must concentrate on the sounds that we are hearing.  This mental process connects with and extends to our other senses as well.  We see, notice and interpret the facial expressions of the speaker, the vibrations from the musical beats of the bass drum causes our body to sway to the rhythm, we might even recall a past memory of a smell, present the first time we heard the words of a marital vow spoken.    

In all the writings that we read, the seminars and meetings we attend, or the videos we consume; the lesson is the same.  To learn the art of listening requires much more than just our ears.  It entails the conscious attention of our entire being; the mind, body, and soul.  It is my belief, that to truly listen one must use their body as the receiver of the messages being delivered, our brain is the instrument used to process the information with the ultimate goal being to derive meaning or the truth from the message, and our soul, the basis of our human morality, to determine the proper reactions, responses and further inquiries that will be needed for understanding.

Our responses will be source of our future decisions.  The decisions we make all have consequences; good or bad, happy or sad, right or wrong.  We cannot control all that we hear, nor should we, but each of us can and does control what we listen to, how we respond, and the decisions we make.     

If this is my last post, I want all to know there was only one purpose for all that I have written; to have made a positive difference in the lives of others.

Anthony “Tony” Boquet, the author of “The Bloodline of Wisdom, The Awakening of a Modern Solutionary”

Love to the Third Power

“My grown child is in an abusive relationship and I don’t know what to do to fix it.”

“If only I did not have all these problems to deal with in my life, my anxieties would be manageable.”

“My son was shot and killed; we have to outlaw guns.”  

“Why does my spouse drink so much?”

“If things would finally go my way, I would not be so depressed and would not have to drink so much.”

“I work hard but I continue to be overlooked for a promotion.  What can I do to make my boss aware of this mistake?”

“Consumers are being taken advantage of every day by the unscrupulous people they hire to do work for them. We need to have a new regulation to protect them.”

These are common views and thoughts of many people all around the world.  Who knows, you might have said or felt these exact sentiments in your own life at one time or another.  Some people can get past these obstacles, moving on to great happiness and success, while others turn these hardships into a permanent way of life or worse, the reason for their ultimate demise.  What is it that makes the difference between flourishing out of despair and allowing the despair to control you very existence?

First let’s consider the views above.  What is the common denominator in all of those statements? 

If you said, that in each of those cases, bad behaviors, poor choices or habitual decisions were made you would be on the right track.  Look at them again and consider, who the person making the statement, views as the one in need of change?  Correct, in each of those statements the person feeling the anxiety, depression, or the injustice does not view themself as the one with the problem needing correcting; it is always someone or something else at fault for the pain that they or their loved ones are suffering.  In cases where a loved one is involved; it is not even that person who bears the responsibility.  In their mind; a non involved third party should be the blame or in some cases, our government should be responsible to fix it.  This is at the heart of the problem of selfishness. The problem makes me suffer but someone else is the blame and someone else should solve it so I don’t have to change.   

I have written in one of my books, “Selfishness causes blindness to the truth; it is only the brightness of Love to the Third Power that can remove the darkness of deception, bringing clarity of sight.  For in order to relieve our problems we must first make a wise and true decision based on a compiled list of the best choice options of which to select.  However, this successful choice process first requires that we know, experience, and believe the truth.”  

Love to the Third Power is the only true and selfless love.  Love found in the bodies, minds and souls of those who demonstrate a caring attitude through thoughts, words, and deeds for those who share a strong unwavering emotional bond with you; a bond consistent with the relationship shared by the three parties affected by every decision.  On a family level it would be your family members, the people of the community in which you live, and your spiritual family who share and teach your moral values.  On a business level it would be the businesses’ associates, the consumers and people impacted indirectly by the company’s product or service.  When all three are considered and satisfied before a decision is made, wisdom will prevail. 

If it is true that all of the people above share the same selfish views yet some of them are still able to rise above these hardships, what is the differentiator that makes that possible?  It is something that I call, Personal Growth toward Wisdom. 

Personal growth toward wisdom is simply a shift in attitude.  In order to succeed and overcome any hardship a person must first take ownership of their problems and solutions they choose. When your attitude shifts to others, personal growth and your wise decisions can begin to address the true problems causing the other issues needing to be changed.  It is true, that not all problems can be solved to our satisfaction but we have to face the truth that all man-made problems can be solved by man, even if the solution is not one that brings us the pleasure we desire or immediately relieves the pains of past bad choices.

To illustrate these realities, recently I was on a panel discussing the importance of freedom of choice.  A fellow panelist, a psycho-therapist, made a comment that I found extremely interesting and culturally revealing.  He exclaimed to the audience, “Rational people cannot make bad decisions.” 

This was immediately countered by a vocal audience member who shouted, “I do not agree with that statement.”  The physiologist asked him, “Please explain why you feel that way.” 

After being brought a microphone, “I decided to marry the wrong person; a crazy person who for many years caused tremendous pain and struggles to me and our family.  We finally decided to divorce.  It was the wrong decision to choose her to marry.” 

The therapist asked him, “What made it a mistake?”

Taking his time before answering, “I did not know at the time of our wedding that she was an alcoholic.  After the fact, she would never seek help and the problem only got worse as time went by.”

“So, what you are saying is that given the information you had at the time of the wedding you thought she was the right person?” 

“Yes but if I had known she was an alcoholic I would probably not have married her.” 

The therapist said with a smile, “You see, you didn’t make a bad decision.  Any rational person would have likely made the same decision given the information you had at the time. You are being overly hard on yourself.”

After hearing this, I could not stay quiet any longer.  “Excuse me, may I ask a few questions?”  Standing I asked the audience member, “Without getting too personal, how long did you date before your wedding date?”

“Three months.” 

“During those three months, did you ever witness her drinking to excess?”

“Oh sure, we attended a couple of pretty wild parties while we were dating.” 

“You didn’t have a problem with her abuse of alcohol while you were dating?  Why?”

“Well, to be honest, we were both drinking heavy while we were partying.  It was only later that I found out that she was drinking heavily almost every day, even while at work.” 

Turning to the therapist, I asked, “Do you consider yourself a good representation of a “rational person”? 

He loudly proclaimed, “Yes I do.”

“Would you have married someone after only dating three months?”

He admitted softly, “No.”

“Me either and given the other information this gentleman shared, if I were in his shoes, I too would admit to making a mistake for choosing her as my wife.  The true fact is, only after having experienced deep pain through the relationship, does he believe he did not have enough information to make the right choice.  If he would have spent a little more time getting to know this woman before making a lifelong commitment, he would have started to question his judgment sooner than later.”

The therapist silently nodded his head in acknowledgement.  

Turning back to the audience member, I asked, “One more question, did you learn from your mistake?” 

“I did but way too late!” As I turned to return to my seat the gentlemen shouted, “And I should have listened to my parents and some of my friends…they tried to warn me but I was too young and foolish to listen to them.”

I turned, walked down the aisle, stepped up to him, I shook his hand in thanks of his honesty and courage to share this personal hardship with everyone. 

We all make mistakes but some, if not most, can be avoided; many of the others can be righted.  First by using the lessons found in the Wisdom Formula and the Principles of Solomon; second by trusting the wisdom of those who reside in one of the three entities affected by your decision.  Those people will usually love and care about you to the level of Love to the Third Power. 

For those occasions when we do make a mistake, first realize it was probably a selfish act that caused the problem and begin the process of repair by selflessly considering others affected by your actions.  In addition to the great results that will follow as a result of the repair; you will also start to become a much better person by the lessons that you learned through the experience

If this is my last post, I want all to know there was only one purpose for all that I have written; to have made a positive difference in the lives of others.

Anthony “Tony” Boquet, Vice President, Business Development at The American College of Financial Services and the author of “The Bloodline of Wisdom, The Awakening of a Modern Solutionary”

Societal Restrictions Never Change the Truths

In today’s workforce, a high percentage of people have been forced to work from home or not work at all.  At the same time our elementary schools and day care facilities are closed creating a more demanding situation for those workers with young children.  Six months ago, we would have never thought this work-from-home model’s success possible.  Still, many companies have been able to maintain a close to normal revenue stream with little if any terminations of staff due to productivity issues. A few of these companies are now considering maintaining this work structure into the future.  Without a doubt, some companies will conceive that this “new normal” as better than before and it might be for some workers.  What the company leaders might not be considering is that without the society-imposed restrictions, this company-wide model would not have been considered and for good reasons. 

As individuals, our society has always affected us; just without us realizing it.  Even the ultra-successful among us believe that their limits are solely personal but they really are not.  This has never been more evident than today.  Without a doubt, when it comes to temporary change due to outside forces, the American people will always believe that the sky is the limit.  We have a remarkable “can do spirit”.  At least, as long as everyone has to operate under the same parameters.  We are an adapting people but temporarily acclimating our professional life to societal restraints imposed upon everyone may not be a good long-term business model.  Especially, when it comes to the need for balancing all three of our personas; our professional, personal and spiritual lives.  We have to take into consideration that all decisions have consequences; some of which do not show up until years later.  As a society, any “new normal” must positively affect all three areas of human life and do so for a lifetime.  Behavioral science clearly teaches us that behavioral change manifested from being forced to do anything, is not the same as changes occurring from a personal choice.  This three to six month “behavioral change experiment” being caused by the pandemic will not provide adequate data to warrant replacing centuries of workplace design and management.  It will however, reveal more possibilities for integrated changes into the future.   

In order for long-term positive change to be predicted the study would depend heavily on the value of the truths.  A caveat to any short-term problem is that the truth can be difficult to discern.  In an effort to weed out the falsehoods in the solution process, one only needs to turn to history and the ever-present Natural Laws of our planet.  Natural laws are the eternal truths not effected by temporary abnormalities.  They never change so they are always dependable.  They never lie so they can always be relied upon in every situation.  We have already covered one, our three personas.

Under the most routine of conditions, when confronting challenging issues; humans naturally try to make positive changes in their life.  Even when doing so, when our normal practices are interrupted by an unforeseen event, we all struggle with change because we are creatures of habit.  This is no different for business leaders or the rank and file.  Our routines take hold of our life because of another natural law; The Law of Action.  This law says that we only do things for three reasons; to increase pleasure, avoid pain or for the love of another. This truth controls every decision we make.  Whenever we find an area in our life that needs to be changed the Law of Action automatically comes into play as well.  We used this law to form our previous habits so we have to use this same law to form the new and, in this case, required changes.  When this disruption moves on and our life rhythms return, some of the less disciplined people will begin to fail in a work from home environment.  Not because they are bad people but because they need the structure of direct supervision to guide their actions.  People can be forced to do anything for short periods of time but given increased choices the above law will guide their decisions.  This shutdown worked because society used the law; the love for our neighbors as the compelling reason.  The law worked the way it always does.  Think of this law as the “why” behind the “what” I want to change.

There is another law whose power cannot be reduced or ignored when changes want to be made permanent.  The Law of Positive Change creates the blueprint for successful change.  This truth lays out three requirements needed to affect any changes we seek.  First, we must have a burning desire to act.  A burning desire to change; to reach the pleasure, avoid the pain or the need to protect the ones we love.  Second, the willingness to apply daily effort.  Again, as during this pandemic, no choices are given and for a short period of time, the effort required can work but once options return, other pleasures will compete for the efforts required to change.  All change requires constant repetitious actions which will become the foundation of the new habit.  When people have an abundance of choice, we can easily be drawn off track; thus, the need for close supervision.  Many people need that high touch supervision to function at their peak performance.  And third, we must be patient and allow time for the habits to take hold.  Good leaders recognize, that prior to this forced workflow model, close supervision was required for some people and that for others it can be a hinderance.  Today, this is not happening and people are not being terminated because supervisors understand we are forcing them to operate differently.  In the current short-term environment this is acceptable but it cannot continue long-term. This law is the “how” behind the “why” people are able to change.

Finally, we must contend with another law; The Law of the Stages of Time. There are only three stages of time; Past, Present and Future.  No more, no less.  Understanding where we are makes a difference in the use of the prior laws.  The requirements of the Law of Positive Change unite with the Stages of Time. 

Requirements of Positive Change                                          Stages of Time                       

A Burning Desire                                                                   Future

Daily Effort                                                                            Present

Passage of Time                                                                      Past

Even with the support and guidance of the natural laws, we still will struggle to make positive changes in our lives but with these laws, change is always possible.  Without them, change is impossible.  Both scenarios depend heavily on the power that choices bring to the table.  If any company tries to use this temporary choice-less situation as the basis for a new model of workforce design, they will have to deal with the negative outcomes these laws will present to them.  For those of us who understands these truths, the return to a successful normal will be quick and painless.  In addition, the lessons we learn through this tumultuous experience can be applied to all future change.     

Anthony “Tony” Boquet, the author of “The Bloodline of Wisdom, The Awakening of a Modern Solutionary”

If this is my last post, I want all to know there was only one purpose for all that I have written; to have made a positive difference in the lives of others.

School Shootings; A Symptom of a Major Problem

“An individual’s reality can and will change based on their actions guided by their thoughts, reasons and ideals.  There will always be bad reasons for good ideas and good reasons for bad ideas.  This is why moral people struggle to find common ground on ideological differences.  The truth, however, is the casualty; it commonly gets lost in the mix.”

Anthony “Tony” Boquet

Schools were created as a societal method of teaching our children how to solve problems. When the painful results of our problems show up on campus we must realize that the system is broken.  People all agree, it’s time for these violent symptoms and the problems that they represent to be fixed.  They cry out for something to be done to correct the situation but the areas of attention is off the mark and is not the problem so nothing makes a difference.

Why?   Continue reading “School Shootings; A Symptom of a Major Problem”

Cloak the Pain or Solve the Problem

“This pain in my side is really driving me crazy.”

“Honey, why don’t you take the pain pills that you have?”

“Because the doctor hasn’t determined what is causing the pain. If it gets worse, I need to be able to know it.  If the pain is hidden by the medication, I will have a false sense of security thinking that all is well when it really isn’t.”

The above conversation highlights a central belief of mine. Pain is just a symptom of the actual problem; it is not the problem in and of itself.  Physical, mental and spiritual pain is our body’s way of communicating that something is wrong.  In neighborhoods all across the Country; we see, hear and feel the communications telling us that something is wrong in our societies. And just like the short discourse above between two loved ones, the evidence point to the facts that we are torn between continuing to manipulate the symptoms and wanting to solve the problem.  Continue reading “Cloak the Pain or Solve the Problem”