Wiser words were never spoken. All love is not created equal and identifying the difference between true selfless love and selfish love is not always easy to determine at first blush.
Many young lovers are faced with this dilemma and they are not prepared to handle this complex problem. Without the benefit of life’s experiences to rely on, one person could be experiencing true love while the one they love is preying upon them with selfish love. They will both experience the stirrings of love in the form of emotions like happiness, excitement and pleasure which will entices more intimate relations to build. Through the reciprocal nature of love, both partners will display outward signs such as tenderness, warmth, and endearment even if the end game desired is poles apart. To complicate matters further, with all forms of love, these feelings will be returned to the one who initially offers them up regardless of the motives. Due to our body’s hormone system, the way that we process any emotion naturally pushes the facts into the recesses of our mind so that they are rarely considered. The ultimate goal for both people can be vastly different while emotionally identical; a breeding ground for confusion. This leads to poor decisions being made and negative outcomes that can last a life time.
Whether you call it love, like, or just fondness, this is why people are encouraged to “date” potential future mates, employees, or friends for extended periods of time before making any serious commitments to one another. For any partnership to succeed, selfishness must be diminished, the end goals must be shared and desired by all parties. When it isn’t; someone will always be harmed. Emotions have a way of overriding our sense of reason, causing us to downplay the flaws of those we have relationships with, guiding us to make decisions before considering the facts, and endears us to follow people who wish to take advantage of our emotional blindness. These pariahs use our emotions against us to get what they want despite the cost to the others.
In the workforce, whenever someone loves their job for selfish reasons they hoard the love that it returns in very shrewd and hurtful ways. That selfish love manifests itself in the form of sexual abuse, inappropriate hires and promotions, misappropriation of funds, and bigotry just to name a few. These manifestations are not problems; they are symptoms to the problem of selfishness.
When we love our job selflessly we focus on the giving nature of that love. We provide guidance to others, offer positions to the right people for the right reasons, and money is used appropriately at all times.
So when we “date” in order to build lasting relationships, we should strive to find the right partners, to hire and promote the right leaders, and to build a friendship pool of trustworthy people. By doing this the symptoms and their problems associated with selfish love will vanish away. When we find true love our partners will share the love of giving not getting.
If this is my last post, I want all to know there was only one purpose for all that I have written; to have made a positive difference in the lives of others.
Anthony “Tony” Boquet, the author of “The Bloodline of Wisdom, The Awakening of a Modern Solutionary”
